jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
