My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
