would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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