would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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