i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She even gives head with a lisp.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
