friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
