I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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