the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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