i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
