You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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