Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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