he thought i was a dude.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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