I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
even my farts smell like vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
