Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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