Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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