420 ftw
I just threw up on my dentist
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
