dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
