I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
