I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
