im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
