Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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