She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
