smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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