I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
