matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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