We named our party play list daddy issues
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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