i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
