Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
