I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
