Pappa wants mamma naked
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
