Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize