Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
