So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
