Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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