come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize