Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
