Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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