Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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