She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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