so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
