apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
