just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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