I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
