so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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