Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
