i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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