When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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