It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
