Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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