And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
