Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
