I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
