I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
