my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
