I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
