I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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