now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
