four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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