That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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