Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
