1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
