I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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