why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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