problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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