I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
