I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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