maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
