planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
