It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
