I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
