Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
